Day 119: Or Day 0 AGAIN

Ugh.... Count to ten... So I had a whole paragraph typed and my cat hit the mouse and deleted it all. I am tired of being Fat and lately I am feeling fatter than ever. I looked at a picture of myself when I was in Vegas this time last year and I was at my lowest weight of 220, it has ballooned since then. I can't bear to look at myself, I find myself wearing baggier and baggier clothes, I just don't feel good in my own body again. I need to start over drastically. The stress of everything doesn't help me. I have stress at home, at work, and internally. No matter what I do I can't please everyone and myself. I am tired of cleaning up, organizing, and well.... just picking up in general. I am a mom and I love that. I don't want my son to have to deal with kids saying stuff about his fat mother. I want to be there with him for a long time. I am going to start over yet again which is a testimonial to how hard this fight is for me. People who smoke can stop smoking, I can't stop eating, I need it to live so I must battle my enemy everyday for the rest of my life. My son is crying so mother duty here I come.